Dec. 29th, 2003

ladyzaadi: (Default)
I want to get out. I need to go away, explore the world, make a few friends. I can't keep sitting here at home doing nothing but drawing and housecleaning. I want to travel. The open air calls for me.
My friend Bonnie (who is as old as my mom) says she thinks I don't want to. She says she thinks I'm too comfortable. Well, it's obvious I will be, considering the amount of time I've been stuck here! Duh. But there's a part of me that is screaming to be let out. I'm not a full-fledged couch potato yet.
Why do I have such a bad reputation with everybody? I'm sort of shy, and quiet, so a lot of folks like to take advantage of that by remarking over things about me that I don't like as much as they do, and they still want to talk about it! Like the fact that I don't have friends close by. Besides Ronda that is, but she's going to boot camp very soon. I hope she's still around. I'll e-mail her and ask if she want to go see the RotK with me. :)
Well, anyway, I was talking about how lonely it was in the house, and how bored I was, when she took on this unnecessarily stern tone of voice and said that it was my fault. Part of it is, I won't deny that. But there's still some things I know God needs to change in me before He lets me have a real friend.
For example.... It bugs me when folks ask me if there's anyone on my street that's my age. When I say,"...uhm...maybe" then they're all like,"Why don't you go make some friends or something?"
Hey. Look. I haven't known anybody my age personally in about six years, okay? And I've always been shy. I haven't ever had much of a good experience with other teens. I don't know why. Online, I get along pretty well with them. It's probably because I can't see their faces... their eyes that would be looking at me if I were talking to them face-to-face.
In other words, after all that, I think it's a right rude thing to just tell someone like me to just "go meet people". I know, no one can help me with that. But if God wants me to have a friend then He'll lead me to someone. It's not going to be a person who shows up at my door and says," Hey! God sent me!" but somehow He'll do it. He's done many more impossible things before.

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ladyzaadi: (Default)
Elly

November 2011

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